After a week that was too short in El Nido, many San Miguels, and too much sun, we headed back on the tiring road trip back to Puerto Princesa.

We arrived in the early afternoon, and after grabbing lunch at Mang Inasal, we bummed around town for a bit and then made our way to the airport.

The flight back to Manila was quick. One thing unique about Cebu Pacific is that they have what they call “fun and games” on their flights. The flight crew holds a little game with the passengers by asking trivia questions or asking you to quickly hold something into the air like your boarding pass, or “show 10 fingers!!” Whoever wins gets a little prize. The “fun and games” last about 2 minutes or so, but it does break up the monotony of the flight (especially when snacks aren’t free!). Harmless and lighthearted as they were, they made me think about how paranoid and full of fear the west has become – there is no way in HELL any ‘fun and games’ would be happening on a flight in North America.

We took a taxi into the city for the first time, and it was definitely a contrast to the paradise of El Nido. While much more developed and clean than most Indian cities I’ve been to, there was a lot of visible poverty. I noticed a lot of slums with street kids hanging out, many begging or harassing tourists for money.

The hotel we stayed at, Bianca’s Garden Hotel, was in an old Spanish-style home in the Makati district of the city. After entering the front gate, the chaotic street outside was another world away and we were in a modest, but beautiful little garden villa. The house living room area contained a bunch of old antiques, and pictures of its former owners. In the garden area behind the house, there was a swimming pool with a little ‘bar hut’, where we met John, who ran the bar and took care of the hotel. John was really cool, telling us a lot about Manila. He’s been working at the hotel for many years, but as of next month, the old Spanish house will be torn down. The property was purchased by (you guessed it!) Chinese developers who want to put up a skyscraper in its place, one of the many that have been going up all over the city.

Unfortunately, one day in Manila was all we had. It’s definitely not enough to see the immense city, so I hope to go back.

The minivan ride to El Nido was alright for the first 2 hours or so, but the last 4 hours was bumpy as it was all unpaved and/or construction. I found it interesting and a bit concerning that our driver and Filipino passengers all silently prayed before we left.

On that note, Christianity is pretty big in the Philippines (90% of the population are Christian), but it’s practiced and celebrated in a very kitschy and flamboyant way, with rosaries hanging from rear-view mirrors in vehicles, pictures of Jesus and Mary surrounded by flowers, lots of bright colours, etc. The serious, sombre, tone of the religion that you see in the west was nowhere to be found, nor was the sense of shame that surrounds out. I never did visit any churches though, and being there only a week, I’m sure it’s not all sunflowers and Buddy Jesus.

Upon arriving in El Nido, we walked around the beach and decided on a guest house which turned out to have an owner who was half-Chinese. She was the first to tell us that the Chinese presence in the Philippines is pretty significant; all of the airlines are owned by Chinese, many major companies are run by Chinese, they’re responsible for most of the skyscrapers going up in Manila, they own hi-end real-estate and land all over the country, etc.

Anyway, El Nido is nice, but you don’t go there for the town – it’s the many surrounding islands in the Bacuit Archipelago that are the real draw. The area is famous for its great snorkeling, diving, and almost unreal scenery.

To get around, you can hire a boat for the day and go island hopping. There are tours that you can sign up for that visit a few of the more popular islands during the day (about $10 USD), or you can hire a boat for yourself and go wherever you like, and get dropped off and picked up a few hours later (about $30 USD for one return trip). We hired a boat for a tour on the first day, and then on the second day decided to get dropped off at our favorite island.

As you can see from the photos, the scenery is pretty amazing. The water is turquoise, the surrounding limestone cliffs are unreal, and the best part is that the islands are basically deserted. The only island that we visited that had residents was ‘7 Commandos’ island (named after a ship that wrecked not far from its shore), where a guy lived with his dogs, and sold $1 San Miguel beers, coconuts, and snacks out of his bamboo hut to whomever showed up.

Unfortunately, I don’t know how to swim (yes, ha ha) so I couldn’t appreciate the snorkeling or diving experiences, but I did give it a quick attempt: at Ellen and the boat driver’s coaxing and reassurance, I strapped on a life jacket and jumped into the sea. If you know how to swim, it might be hard to imagine what a completely terrifying and insane experience that was. But it was also extremely cool to look beneath the surface and see the corals and fish swimming beneath my feet. It wasn’t enough to make me stop holding on to the side of the boat with one arm for dear life though.

The residential area I’m in is still being built up so I’m not in the heart of the action like before, but I still had a decent view. Things picked up when a guy in a minivan showed up and put two boxes of fireworks in the middle of the street. After lighting them all off, he went back in his van and just left! (Please excuse the annoyingly shaky cam)

Would have been more interesting if I sped it up, did some editing, and put music to it, but I guess this sort of gives an idea of what taking an uncrowded city bus in Shanghai is like.

Some highlights:

- PLA marching band! (1:58 mark in first video)
- Fire off of Shunchang Road (1:30 mark in third video)

Everybody knows somebody who is ‘great’ at Tetris. Maybe that someone is even you. If so, even you will say WTF when you watch this Japanese guy play.

After you shake your head and say “That’s impossible,” skip ahead to the end to where he does it during the credits with INVISIBLE Tetris blocks.

Ikaruga

Ikaruga is probably the coolest shooting game that I’ve ever played. It’s also the most difficult, frustrating shooting game I’ve ever played, and the one I hate more than any other.

It’s unique because it introduces an interesting twist to the genre: your ship can switch colors between black and white. When your ship is white, you can absorb white enemy fire without dying, and black fire kills you. When your ship is black, vice-versa.

Anyway, this game is hard. Damn hard. I have yet to beat it on NORMAL difficulty.

No trouble however, for this other Japanese guy who plays the damn game in two player mode BY HIMSELF with one hand on each controller.

Worst boss fight ever

The quality of this video isn’t the greatest, but you get the jist of it. The screen is filled with enemy fire, and this guy dodges everything.

Seriously. How many hours would it take to get this good? Imagine if this raw dedication were harnessed toward something useful!

Annoying or not, some of them are absolutely hilarious.

My personal favorites are:

Beer tea 啤尔茶爽

From CH:

This beverage is not beer and not tea, a carbonated beverage which tasted like beer and tea, but has no alcohol. According to the commercial, drink beer-tea during class, drink beer-tea while driving and drink beer-tea while working. If you don’t then you are “out”.

In the commercial, a school teacher is not familiar with beer tea. The students are quick to inform the teacher: “Teacher, you are OUT.”

To emphasize just how IN they are and just how OUT anyone who does not drink beer tea is, they say OUT in English.

Fu Yuan Jie 妇炎洁

Female hygiene product ‘Fu Yuan Jie’ aired this ridiculous commercial for years, and I was actually sad when I stopped seeing it.

In the commercial, a Chinese couple in a pharmacy picks up the product, and a Caucasian couple notices them. The Western woman says (in Chinese with a heavy Western accent), “Hello! I also use Fu Yuan Jie!”

Things then became insane when her partner speaks. The Gillette Mach 3 actor stand-in agrees in Chinese with the most ridiculous accent I’ve ever heard: “Washing is healthy!”

The funniest thing is that the foreign actors are dubbed, and the Chinese voice actors are deliberately trying to imitate a heavy Western accent.

Heng Yuan Xiang 恒源祥

This commercial made Chinese netizens livid. So much so that is was eventually banned from TV. Here is a transcript of this commercial:

• Static screen with a Beijing 2008 Olympics logo

• Deep announcer voice says product name: HENG. YUAN. XIANG.
  

• High pitched child voice says Chinse Zodiac animal name: Yang yang yang! (Sheep sheep sheep!)
  

• Deep announcer voice says product name: HENG. YUAN. XIANG.
  

• High pitched child voice says Chinse Zodiac animal name: She she she! (Snake snake snake!)

[repeat for ALL 12 Chinese Zodiac animals]

How anybody thought this would be a good idea is amazing. How this idea made it through enough people to be turned into reality is unbelievable.

Either way, this is easily my favorite commercial in the history of television.

A few years back in Hong Kong, somebody filmed an older guy (referred to as ‘uncle’ in Cantonese) going ballistic when a young man on a bus told him to tone down his loud mobile phone conversation. This video was put on YouTube, and the Hong Kong “Bus Uncle” became famous overnight.

His catch phrase from the video, “You’ve got pressure, I’ve got pressure” become an instant meme. There were Bus Uncle t-shirts and coffee mugs. The Sony Ericsson phone that the other passenger used to film the video became a top seller in Hong Kong overnight.

The media had a field day. Bus Uncle’s face was plastered all over HK tabloids. Psychologists and professors were interviewed and said Bus Uncle’s outburst was a symptom of the stress of life in HK, and that the city was full of these “ticking timebomb bus uncles.”

When the momentum started to die down, some HK journalists took him to a Shenzhen KTV club where he was photographed drunk with his arms around a bunch of hostess girls. This was plastered all over HK tabloids again, saying the bus uncle was a pervert; bus uncle said he was part of a media setup intending to ruin his image.

As if that weren’t enough, he was attacked by gangsters on a HK street and beaten.

Here is the infamous YouTube video:

Well, since then, there have been several other videos that have gone viral with Cantonese people getting pissed off, mostly on buses.

The latest is with a “Bus Auntie” in San Francisco. Apparently, the Cantonese lady tried to squeeze her way in to sit down when another woman was taking up two seats. This soon turned into a screaming match, threats, and ultimately ended in a fist fight:

There was also “Airport Auntie” at Hong Kong’s International Airport, who, upon missing her Cathay Pacific flight to San Francisco, completely lost it and had a huge tantrum in front of the departure gate. Because it was a Cathay employee who filmed her tantrum and uploaded it to YouTube, she received compensation from the airline:

Finally, there was “Kung Fu Bus Uncle” in Guangzhou. Apparently this “uncle” was angry because the driver didn’t turn on the bus A/C, and when the younger passenger tried to calm him down, he pulled out the Wing Chun:

Conclusion: don’t piss off Cantonese people on public transportation.

Back in the late 80s when Nintendo games were huge, some company put together a series of VHS videos called “Secret Video Game Tricks, Codes, and Strategies.” The series starred the U.S. National Video Game Team aka a few teenage boys with mullets wearing jumpsuits selected for the video.

The hosts would tell you tips and tricks that were common knowledge at the time, and perform these gems during the video in real time. For example, in one trick, you’re told to pause the game during a boss battle for one minute; the video shows the pause sequence for the entire minute. Other production magic included the hosts’ incessant plastic controller clicking and heavy breathing.

Night Moves (and others in the series, Night Ride and Night Walk) was aired during 3:00 AM and 5:00 AM on Toronto’s CityTV during the late 80s and early 90s.

The premise was simple and quite unique: instead of displaying the standard TV color bar and tone when programming ended for the day, they’d display camera footage of empty Toronto downtown streets late at night as saxophone intensive jazz music played in the background.

There was no introduction or explanation, no product placement, no host… nothing but footage of the city from someone with a video camera walking around, or behind the wheel of a car, while music played.

I guess the “show” was meant for insomniacs, but I thought it was really cool. As a little kid, I only stayed up a couple of times to watch these shows, but always found them mysterious and fascinating. It gave me a glimpse of what the big bad city of Toronto looked like in the middle of the night.

The coach itself is a swanky double-decker bus complete with A/C and roomy, comfy seats. Heading into town this way gives you some great views of the city. It’s also pretty reasonably priced at only 33 HKD to get to Kowloon from the airport.

Here are some videos I took: