Well it’s been fun India, but so long. I’ll miss your cheap prices, friendly faces, chai and food, but not your touts, beggars, garbage everywhere or lack of infrastructure. I guess I have the love/hate relationship that many foreigners who visit India have.

The last few months we’ve been trying to decide what to do after this trip, on the fence between going back to Canada or going back to China. I guess the best way to decide is to just buy a damned plane ticket and be done with it, so we got tickets to Hong Kong.

As a going away present, India decided to give me a case of Delhi belly at the last minute. I thought China gave me a stomach of steel since I’ve been immune to any intestinal issues since I arrived in India, but I guess not. So, I got to spend a lot of time enjoying the interior of the New Delhi Airport washroom before the plane left.

As a bit of a disgusting side note, the airport mens washroom – while very clean – was pretty awful. There were about 20 stalls, all full (which was something, considering the airport was not that busy), horribly unhealthy flatulent sounds echoing through the large concrete room, men groaning in agony, 5 cleaners who seemed dedicated to the toilets. The guy in the stall next to me kept breathing heavily and saying “Oh my god…”

From all the bad things I heard about Delhi before – big, dirty, noisy, crowded – I really don’t think it’s that bad. That’s not to say I like the city either. It’s really, really spread out and definitely a car city, so not at all fun to walk around. The heat didn’t help either. We stayed in the Pahar Ganj area which was a mistake. It reminds me of the Thamel tourist ghetto in Kathmandu, but much dirtier and with more aggressive touts.

I feel like every other post I’ve been complaining about touts in India and hate to sound repetitive, but it really is that bad. If I ever come to India again, I want to have business cards made to hand out to anyone who comes up to me so I can avoid having the same annoying conversation 100 times a day:

FROM CANADA
ENGLISH PART
I CAN SPEAK A LITTLE FRENCH
OH YOU CAN TOO
BONJOUR COMMA CA VA HAHA
IN INDIA FOR ___ MONTHS
IN ______ FOR ___ DAYS
NEXT GOING TO ________
(tedious small talk about the city and its sights)
OH YOU HAVE A SHOP. THAT IS NICE
NO I DON’T WANT TO VISIT YOUR SHOP
NO I DON’T WANT TO BUY ANYTHING
REALLY
NO I REALLY REALLY DON’T WANT TO BUY ANYTHING
I’M SURE
THANKS, BYE
NO I DON’T WANT HASH

I read recently that groups of street kids are actually trained to beg or tout which explains the identical conversations I’ve been having. Apparently classes are held to train street kids to beg in different languages for all the expected foreign tourists coming when India hosts the Commonwealth Games next year. Get your tickets now!

Got up early and went to the Agra Cantonment train station, but the only tickets available to Delhi were in the super packed general seating cars. I don’t mind packed trains, but when I have a big backpack to lug around I feel like an asshole bumping into people with it and taking up a bunch of space.

So, we just hopped on an emptier and more expensive sleeper class train with the plan of playing the dumb foreigners if our tickets got checked. Everything was fine until 2 hours later the ticket master came and checked. I played dumb, and we were going to just head to the general car (at this point we were less than an hour away from Delhi so I didn’t mind standing) but the guy wanted us to pay the difference, plus a bribe! After arguing for a bit I finally just told him I had no money, so he gave up and at the next stop we switched to the general car, stood crammed by the car door, and got off at the last stop which was actually one before the one we needed to get off. We then had to wait an hour for another train, and get on that one without any ticket and hope not to get busted again. Luckily, there were no hassles.

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We arrived in Varanasi and from the train station headed to the old city, where we checked into the budget Alka Hotel with view of the Ganges river and the best veg thali I’ve ever had.

Probably the holiest city to Hindus and (supposedly) the oldest living city in the world, Varanasi is famous for its many ‘ghats’ (or steps) lining the Ganges river. At these ghats you see locals praying, bathing, washing clothes, washing buffaloes, kids playing cricket and other daily rituals that have probably been taking place here forever. Hindus believe that if you die in Varanasi you receive instant ‘moksha’ (or freedom from the cycle of rebirth), so you see a lot of older people that came to Varanasi to live out their final days.

The ghat that gets the most interest from foreigners is the infamous ‘burning ghat’, where up to 2000 bodies are cremated every day and their ashes placed in the Ganges. Photography is (understandably) strictly forbidden at this ghat, so I didn’t take any shots. But to be honest I didn’t really see the big deal (among foreigners that is). I mean, I haven’t seen a lot of dead bodies in my day or anything, but it didn’t seem all that interesting to me and I felt a bit like a voyeur watching somebody’s funeral take place while a bunch of backpackers sat around gawking.

The ‘old city’ is a labyrinth of really narrow pathways too small for vehicles (motorbikes still worm their way through though). It’s easy to get lost in this area at first, but even that is interesting as the alleys are bustling with chai stands, silk shops selling colourful saris and smells of incense, fried food, spices, and urine. There are some pretty big (and sometimes angry) cows and bulls wandering through here though, so it pays to be careful. I think a good rule of thumb is that if the locals look worried about a certain bovine, proceed with caution!

Unfortunately, Varanasi is also notorious for being one of the worst touting and scam cities in all of India. Until the touts get to know your face and associate it with “no”, expect about a hundred propositions a day for boat trips, several friendly strangers wanting to shake your hand so they can turn it into an instant palm reading or massage, and virtually every conversation you have with anyone who approaches you will lead to them wanting to take you to their silk or handicrafts shop to ‘just have a look’. There are also a ton of pretty determined dudes selling hash and weed too; when I used my foolproof line of “thanks, but I don’t smoke” one guy called me a liar and said “I can see it in your eyes!”

Time for a rant.

One of the major annoyances that I’ve had to get used to here is the extremely aggressive touting, haggling, scams, and begging that foreigners have to put up with when visiting India. This occurred in every other country I’ve visited, but nowhere near the level I’ve witnessed here.

Having to say “No, thank you”, “I don’t need a rickshaw”, “I don’t need a guide”, “I have a hotel”, “I’m not looking to buy souvenirs” dozens of times a day can be draining at best. Even more annoying is that with the more aggressive touts, you actually have to convince them you don’t need what they are offering before they leave you alone. It can really get on one’s nerves, and I’m only starting to get used to it now.

In China, simply ignoring beckons of “Hello! Rolex!” or showing disinterest is usually enough, but not here. At the Gateway to India in Mumbai, for example, one self-proclaimed government guide actually scolded us for ignoring his sales pitch, saying it was extremely rude not to stop and listen. After smiling and telling him we were not interested, he then proceeded to lecture us on proper etiquette in turning down offers such as his. Just as I started feeling a bit guilty he went straight into his sales pitch.

“Foreigner pricing” is another major issue. Besides shops overcharging tourists, getting taxis/rickshaws to use their meters is often impossible. Instead you get quoted a ridiculously high foreigner rate and have to haggle your way down to something remotely fair. At the end of the trip, some drivers still come up with an excuse to demand more than the agreed upon price. Landmarks, museums, temples, etc. clearly post admission fees of ten times or more for foreigners. I try to imagine what would happen in the West if taxi drivers refused to use their meters for foreign tourists, or if national landmarks had a blatantly discriminatory pricing scheme.

Then there is the begging. I think that beggars that approach and follow foreigners (often children that are coaxed by nearby adults) piss me off the most. I don’t mean to sound like a dick; if I have money and see people in need, I will often give. But never when I’m approached directly. It can also be hard to determine actual need versus those in character. A few times we’ve had conversations with beggar children, and it turns out they had homes, families, went to school, are were not hungry. Like many of the “suburb homeless teens” in Toronto who are homeless because they want a later curfew (and either make up with their families in the winter or go to Vancouver where the weather is nicer), begging is just an easy way to get some extra money. It annoys me when I see foreigners give kids money with the mentality that “10 rupees is worth it to have them leave me alone”. It just ensures that they’ll come bother me next. There is nothing more annoying than watching a beautiful sunset by the river only to be approached by a tout or beggar who will not leave you alone.

It often feels like everything here is a battle to prevent getting completely ripped off.

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Continuing south, next up was the state of Kerala. I was very excited to visit Kerala, not only because it has the world’s first and only democratically elected communist government, but also for its apparent laid-back style and quieter beaches.

First stop was Ernakulam/Fort Cochin, where we spent a few days. There are already less touts and aggressive hawking here, and the people seem friendlier. It’s also interesting to see hammer and sickle flags and pictures of Marx, Stalin, and Che Guevera everywhere. That said, other than the more laid back attitude and symbols I don’t see much difference here, at least on the surface. To a few touts we asked, “Are you communist?” to which one replied, “No, no. My business is not communist, my business is tourist! Great sight-seeing, 50 rupees one hour. See all the special place. OK?“